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Break Out of Your Prison of Pain

 

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“One of the marvels of the world is seeing the sight of a soul sitting in a prison with the key in his hand.”

Rumi

I am tired of being afraid.  I am tired of living inside my box of fear when I do hold the key to my personal happiness.  For fifteen years I spent my life being afraid of physical pain and as many of you know the fear of pain is worse than the pain itself.  At times I am still filled with fear of pain but it no longer controls my life.  However, I am way too often stuck in my own box of fear that I forget to breathe and be calm and happy.  2016 was not an easy year for me.  However, I did learn a lot about myself and know the exact things I personally want to change in order for me to live the happiest life I can in the new year.

I am tired of being afraid of the past, the present and most of all the future.  I want to break free of this box of fear and live my life to the fullest.  I am tired of being fearful to express my feelings, emotions, and thoughts because of what someone will think or say.  No one has control over my happiness, my choices, or my life except myself.  I hold the key and I do find myself in my own tiny prison with that exact key in my hand too often.  I believe we all do in some way, shape or form.  What are you afraid of?  What prison are you living in that you want to break out of?

The prison I find myself in at times is very difficult to escape from as all of our personal prisons are.  We live in a world of fear but we can break free of our personal fears.  How?  I’m working on that.  I’m working on myself and I want to be the best version of me that I can be.  Happiness is an inside job that no person, place, or object can bring you.  Our thoughts determine our lives and I am sad to admit that many of my personal thoughts are derived from fear.  I am not taking away the credit I deserve and all of you deserve for the invisible battles we have each been given and fight every day.  We are all doing the best we can but maybe at times we are trying too hard.  I am extremely tired of overthinking every little thing.  Deep down I know that my fears are worse that what I am actually afraid of.  My fear of anxiety is worse than my anxiety itself just as my old fears of pain were worse than the pain itself.

I do not expect to be happy all the time nor do I expect everything to turn out exactly how I want and/or plan.  However, I do know that being afraid of things not working out how I dream or desire is not going to change the outcome.  I cognitively know all of these things but I am now ready to truly work on these thoughts that cause me added pain and anxiety.  I believe that fear is holding me back from my deepest dreams and desires and as I said in my first sentence: I am tired of being afraid.

How can you break free of your personal prison in this upcoming year.  Break out of your prison for you not for anyone else.  We are never too old to stop learning or growing.   I know many of you feel stuck.  Most of you feel stuck due to pain and I understand that feeling more than anyone.  What would your life look like if you stopped being afraid?  I do not have all the answers but I will be sharing with all of you what works in my new year and what does not work.  I truly want to find my personal peace and happiness without the constant ups and downs that come with life, chronic pain, and anxiety.  I know I can do it.  I know we all can.  You hold your key to your life.  Only you know how to open the lock.

 

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chronic pain, Let go, Positive Energy, Rumi, Support for Chronic Pain

Let Go of What Does NOT Serve You

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“Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.”

Rumi

We are entering into the month(s) of cardigans where one day it is in the sixties and you feel as if you are freezing because your body is not yet used to the thirty degree difference and the next day is in the eighties and humid: the months where one must have a cardigan on hand.   The seasons seem to change so quickly the past few years I hardly take time to notice the leaves changing colors but look around: there are red, yellow, and orange leaves everywhere; we are just in such a rush we do not take notice.  Of course my three year old does and each day we pass the same tree and now both look to see how many more leaves have turned from green to red.  She is fascinated by this turn of events as she does not remember the seasons and the changing of leaves nor the leaves falling.  To be honest, I do not either.   If it were not for having a child I know I would not give attention to the tree we both see each day and notice more and more green leaves turning red.  One of my favorite parts of a child is their ability to see things we no longer notice as adults.  Soon the leaves will fall and everyone in our home will be outside raking more and more leaves as Kayci jumps in their piles of work and they begin again.  I love the quote above: “be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.”

What in your life do you know deep down you need to just let go of and this does not have to be a literal thing, it may be a thought or a way of thinking that you know you must let go.  We all have something in our lives that is holding us down.  Remember that feeling in school when a paper was finished or a test was completed and you literally took a deep sigh of relief and felt like you just dropped ten pounds that were pulling you down?  What could you let go of that would give you back that same feeling?  Some may say control, worry, a person, or even an object you know no longer serves you.  The hardest things to let go of are the thoughts and patterns in your mind, but once you are able to let those thoughts go  a twenty pound  weight is   lifted from your shoulders; that same weight  in school that felt like ten pounds have now been lifted from you.  We seem to make life way too complicated and it is almost as if we need to have something to worry about.  I worried about chronic pain and finding a cure for a third of my life once I accepted chronic pain and ended my search it felt as if fifty pounds had been lifted from my shoulders and I was able to live again.  The beginning of this incredibly long process was much more difficult than anything I have ever faced in my life but I knew deep down I was doing the right thing and as hard as it was to let those heavy, dark leaves drop each day got a little better and months later I had the Jessica I had lost due to chronic pain and yes each day is a struggle and at times very difficult but I am happy.  There are more leaves I need to let go of but life is a journey and like the seasons change so do we.

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Intuition

Intuition

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“There is a voice that doesn’t use words.  Listen.”

Rumi

Scientists say that we are born with five senses: smell, touch, hearing, talking, and taste.  For me there is one more sense: intuition.  Intuition is a tricky sense because many of us are unable to truly tap into that feeling.  Not out of desire or lack there of but because our minds have so much power over that sixth sense.  Within ten minutes my mind can think up a hundred different things: sixty percent may be correct and the remainder is total insanity.  It is the same with ninety percent of the things we worry about: most are not true, and the rest work themselves out.  There is a quote that states: “Worrying is like paying interest on a debt you may never owe.” Great quote but I would be lying if I said I was not consumed with worry and anxiety right now.  However, I am a very intuitive person.  When I feel something strong in my gut it always turns out to be one hundred percent true.  This rarely happens because my mind gets in the way but when it does I follow that intuition.  For example, I knew I was pregnant with Kayci very early with zero symptoms of pregnancy: no nausea, fatigue, smells, nada.  I was sitting in the middle of a yoga class and while in downward facing dog position, the instructor asked the class: “How is everyone feeling?” I automatically jumped up and said without hesitation: “Pregnant.”  The entire class, aside from my two good friends who know me well looked at me as though I was nuts.  I ran out of class, drove to the nearest pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test.  Two minutes later: two lines, pregnant.

At times intuition really sucks because ignorance can be bliss.  Knowing something within your heart that your mind wants to ignore to no end is one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world.  You try so hard to force your mind to ignore what your heart knows and yet are unable.  I am now at a place that I can no longer ignore my intuition and I have to find the same strength I found when I made a choice to manage chronic pain naturally. I know my strength and I know my truth and I am proud of the person I am today yet that does not take away that sixth sense that has now become so loud I have no choice but to listen to it. However, sometimes the scariest things we do end up giving us blessings we never imagined or thought (as I did with chronic pain) would never come to fruition.  When we stop ignoring our inner wisdom/intuition the Universe conspires to bring us exactly what our hearts want.  The hardest part is shutting the mind off, listening to your intuition and taking that jump.  I have been here before: sitting outside the Pain Rehab Center scared to death to walk into a building where I knew no one and was about to be taken off any pain medications and learn to live and accept chronic pain naturally.  My intuition knew I had to walk through those doors, my mind kept taking leaps back.  I jumped and took that leap of faith and with time my dreams came true. Here I am again.  I have come to a point that I can no longer ignore my inner wisdom and have to take that jump.  I realize you all have no idea what I am talking about but that is neither here nor there.  I am going to take this jump as scary as it is and from experience I know the Universe will once again come into alignment with my hopes, loves, and desires.

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