“One of the marvels of the world is seeing the sight of a soul sitting in a prison with the key in his hand.”
I am tired of being afraid. I am tired of living inside my box of fear when I do hold the key to my personal happiness. For fifteen years I spent my life being afraid of physical pain and as many of you know the fear of pain is worse than the pain itself. At times I am still filled with fear of pain but it no longer controls my life. However, I am way too often stuck in my own box of fear that I forget to breathe and be calm and happy. 2016 was not an easy year for me. However, I did learn a lot about myself and know the exact things I personally want to change in order for me to live the happiest life I can in the new year.
I am tired of being afraid of the past, the present and most of all the future. I want to break free of this box of fear and live my life to the fullest. I am tired of being fearful to express my feelings, emotions, and thoughts because of what someone will think or say. No one has control over my happiness, my choices, or my life except myself. I hold the key and I do find myself in my own tiny prison with that exact key in my hand too often. I believe we all do in some way, shape or form. What are you afraid of? What prison are you living in that you want to break out of?
The prison I find myself in at times is very difficult to escape from as all of our personal prisons are. We live in a world of fear but we can break free of our personal fears. How? I’m working on that. I’m working on myself and I want to be the best version of me that I can be. Happiness is an inside job that no person, place, or object can bring you. Our thoughts determine our lives and I am sad to admit that many of my personal thoughts are derived from fear. I am not taking away the credit I deserve and all of you deserve for the invisible battles we have each been given and fight every day. We are all doing the best we can but maybe at times we are trying too hard. I am extremely tired of overthinking every little thing. Deep down I know that my fears are worse that what I am actually afraid of. My fear of anxiety is worse than my anxiety itself just as my old fears of pain were worse than the pain itself.
I do not expect to be happy all the time nor do I expect everything to turn out exactly how I want and/or plan. However, I do know that being afraid of things not working out how I dream or desire is not going to change the outcome. I cognitively know all of these things but I am now ready to truly work on these thoughts that cause me added pain and anxiety. I believe that fear is holding me back from my deepest dreams and desires and as I said in my first sentence: I am tired of being afraid.
How can you break free of your personal prison in this upcoming year. Break out of your prison for you not for anyone else. We are never too old to stop learning or growing. I know many of you feel stuck. Most of you feel stuck due to pain and I understand that feeling more than anyone. What would your life look like if you stopped being afraid? I do not have all the answers but I will be sharing with all of you what works in my new year and what does not work. I truly want to find my personal peace and happiness without the constant ups and downs that come with life, chronic pain, and anxiety. I know I can do it. I know we all can. You hold your key to your life. Only you know how to open the lock.